dirty dialogues

sihanny

2009-07-02T15:58:21Z

There was a girl from upper east coast

Who loved guitar heroes the most

She would play day and night

Without experiencing daylight

Until, “expert mode” she could boast

for u dazzle

2009-06-09T10:12:51Z

There was a young lady from Bedok
Who would never order a Coke
So she really shocked everyone
When they heard her ask for one
Only for her to croak "Sorry, I choked"

time capsule

2009-03-16T05:20:33Z

last night i dreamt of you, a sliver of our best times

today i think of you, helplessness engulfing me

tomorrow i try to forget you, a hatchet best buried

its times like this, i wish we never left bangkok
but we did, and my world stopped spinning

changjian @ 2009-02-08T11:00:00

2009-02-08T16:16:19Z

today, as i slumped into kimmy's couch, i felt a wave of peace wash over me.

i realised how lucky i have been all my life, how i have had someone there for me every single point in my life. How i never been abandoned or left alone, how things always seem to fall into place every single time.

and yet at times, i have overlooked this blessing of mine, allowing myself to be disgruntled, to be moody, to make those who care worry. i have seen the worst side of myself rear its ugly head and allowed the nastiness in me manifest. vile indeed.

learning to be more thankful for what i have is an imperative step i need to take. no doubt my family and friends will rank first in my list for things i can be thankful about.

so what if i have become a nerd who spends more time in the library than time sleeping. the epitome of a smugger

at least i am a contented nerd with friends :)

changjian @ 2008-12-28T10:45:00

2008-12-28T15:46:00Z

today i cut the cord

Happy 21st Daren Apples Tan

2008-11-16T13:17:40Z

I have a good friend from SJI

Rumored to be only 3 apples high

He is a person easily amused

And not someone with a short fuse

How he have grown, this friend of mine

For rich and fatty food he loves to dine

But no matter how much you have grown

Daren Apples Tan, let it be known

The retarded things we did together

Believe me, I shall always remember

We used to play Shark at the pool

Acting like many a retarded fool

Training under the coach from hell

Obscenities, vulgarities, he loved to yell

But no matter what, we would survive
And celebrate it with high fives

We stayed over so often at each other’s place

Trading secrets, immersing in shared solace

I know you can’t tell when I fall asleep

But sleeping wide-eyed is actually hip!

We share eye-candies almost every single day

Hopefully they would be ours, we would always pray

Amazing holidays were spent together

You always have to be my navigator

My partner in crime for jacking Bong

We know not teasing him is just wrong

Your pet dog Snoopy was a timid one

It reacted to my songs like a vampire to sun

I remember the nights of clubbing together

You pinned against the wall, a memory forever

The way you eat chili is inspiring

I can never do that without perspiring

A commando warrior you eventually became

Going through hardship, earning fortune and fame

And now that you’re a student once again

A polo centreman you have also became

I hear they call you the phantom of Sheares’

And how IPPT has now become your curse

But no matter what, nothing has changed

And nothing in this friendship I would rearrange

You been my friend through thick and thin

When I say I love you, that’s what I mean

So Happy Birthday to you, Daren Apples Tan

For today you shall turn a grand twenty-one

goodbye

2008-08-03T12:12:46Z

today i said goodbye
to a girl who told a lie
a lie that seemed too good at first
but slowly proved to me its worth
it promised love so pure and true
something i have never knew
but alas it all came to pass
for dreams like these could never last
but through this lie i found the truth
the 6 best months of my youth

changjian @ 2008-06-09T07:24:00

2008-06-08T23:50:03Z

ok, this isnt exactly breaking news, the operation has concluded and i hold my heart when i say, this has been the worst one week of my entire teenage or adult life...

yours truly had undergone a surgery the correct my overbite, and it essentially involved extracting two perfectly healthy, long rooted teeth, sawing off the segments of my lower jaw, in the spaces where the teeth were and retracting the lower jaw altogether.

sounds pretty straight foward? i thought so too when they explained it to me, ok, to be fair to the dentists, they have been telling me since sec 4 that i required to go for the operation, i have had quite a few friends or friends' friends that have undergone it. I knew what it entailed, the numbness, the non-eating. Sure, i knew everything there was in the book.

what i didnt count on was how quickly i needed to adapt to these sudden changes, and when it all started hitting me in the face at such an alarming rate

firstly i had to endure all the needles and tubes the doctors hooked me up on, for hours a day, i felt like the monster out of the Frankenstein film. I even had a fricking tube stuck in my urethra right after my surgery. when they pulled it out, it was the worst kinda pain i ever felt before, the type that made u lament why u were born a male.

secondly the swelling, i cannot feel my entire lower mouth, it has swelled to humongous proportions, visiting friends claim that i look exactly like a chipmunk that has been storing food all winter in its cheeks. i now know how Neck has been feeling all his life, i shall not laugh at u again my dear friend.

thirdly, the goddamn hunger, pardon the cussing, but food to me has always been my holy grail, ANYONE can attest to that. once taken away from my lips, food has now become my darkest bane, my fingers are always on standy on the remote when watching the telly, ready to change the channel the moment a fastfood commercial come on or a advert for a restaurant goes on air. I have lost approximately 8 kg since my operation and it has been only 5 days. Trust me, its more muscle mass then anything else.

thankfully for the people around me, i have been pulling through so far, i thank all my friends who have visited me in the hospital and when i was discharged, the get well messages and encouragement has been the single strongest motivation i have had to survive this operation. and to that special girl, for turning up daily without fail, always cheerful never complaining, content with just being there, thank you so much

its off to the dentist for me, fret not, despite all this complaining, i am fully aware the worst is behind me... watch out world, there is a new CJ coming to town, literally.

and yes, you fuckers, the mole is still there

changjian @ 2008-05-15T21:28:00

2008-05-15T15:10:49Z

i love you!

changjian @ 2008-03-27T08:00:00

2008-03-27T00:15:10Z

teaching at xinmin so far has been a rather refreshing change from the hustle and bustle singtel offered, the phones dont ring off the hook anymore, my working hours are excellent (discounting the 6am alarm every morning) and the workload is way manageable.

truth be told, i have never experienced life in a neighborhood school, perhaps the closest i came was in my primary school Maris Stella, but even then, i was never out of the top classes. So to come into an environment whereby hokkien is more of a mother tongue then chinese is a rather different atmosphere. but still i aint complaining, the food is decent and really cheap, the school is a 10 mins bus ride away, the colleagues here have been really helpful, everything just seems peachy

however i suspect i will lose my voice very soon with the amount of shouting that goes on in class, the lower secondary kids especially, they arent exactly naughty albeit the few gangsta-wannabes, its more of uncapped exuberance, something really beautiful actually. Except that when every kid in your 40 strong class is having a sugar high, thats when your voice really takes a beating.

there are students on the other hand that you really wanna slam against the wall and make them wake up (figuratively speaking of course). There are sec 3 kids that have retained thrice already, i retained once and i was already rather ashamed of it.. These kids aint hopeless or by any means dumb, they are just very disillusioned and totally incapable of self discipline. To them, life is just about Maple Story and strutting around school with their shirt tails tucked out, hollering at every chance they get, being the class joker, the highest accolade they can ever get. Really sad but true, kudos to the teachers that still havent given up on them, such intense patience

those were the days

2008-03-04T17:02:48Z

its mystical how time seem to sprout wings and fly
it wont be long before, our age we have to lie
life has evolved so drastically since our childhood
days when its seems we could never be in a foul mood
i guess growing up has it perks and all
but who can blame us for wanting more
to be like peter pan in never never land
would be like a desert without its sand
so let us stay resolute and embrace the future
for in life the memories and reality we have to sunder

changjian @ 2008-01-24T00:14:00

2008-01-23T16:29:47Z

what a caption... what a lie... its only about you when you manage to get past all the levels of clearance and complain directly to the CEO or the Directors or you will just have to wait in line with the rest of the disgruntled customers

working at Singtel @ Exeter Road the past 2 months have more or less robbed me of a social life... since Bong's spectacular sacking after he blasted a certain manager " Respect is meant to be earned not deserved" ... i have been leading a pretty lonesome life... most of my lunch time hours are spent in Times Bookshop at Centrepoint reading magazines or exploring the various shopping centres along the somerset strip... i still sleep at work, i still slack my ass off at every opportunity, and all thanks to a faulty link that was supposed to lead me to Good Luck Chuck on youtube... i ended up with Good Luck Fuck on youporn... that kinda got my internet access barred and killed every shred of contact with the outside world

working at company S (in case i get sued) has taught me that its really an old folks home... half my colleagues have been working since the time of Telecom and are 20-30 years veterans... and trust me... in this line, experience dont count for much since company S constantly changes and updates the operating system it uses to process its work orders.

so i get grouchy old men and women mulling over the slightest and most minute of erratum and naggy supervisors who are none the wiser about their job scope... it leads to a certain level of apathy in you, as the more workload you clear, the more work these supervisors assign to you.

one begins to realise that being a TECHNICAL SUPPORT OFFICER (trust me, its nowhere as glamourous as that) isnt such an easy task after all... you have to put up with unreasonable monsters of a customer, irresponsible installers (unlike our Mr Buff Nigel Ng) and overbearing superiors who insists that you assist the customer even when there are no installers available for you to send down. the art of keeping under the radar comes in real handy to avoid really complicated cases shot down from the directors, skills like "i-spot-a-director, time-to-go-toilet" or "pick-up-the-phone-and-act-like-i-am-in-the-midst-of-pacifying-a-customer" really do work wonders

oh well my contract is drawing to a close... i hope i can meet up with the guys more often after that... damn i miss those MC days...

changjian @ 2007-12-18T22:37:00

2007-12-18T14:59:34Z

you came along and sang my song

changjian @ 2007-11-24T19:02:00

2007-11-24T11:25:17Z

the price of a photograph... a captured moment, a slice of time forever frozen, a memory fleshed out so you know its not something from your dreams...

these days digital cameras and webcams are all the rage, bourgeoning megapixels and memory storage make these little clickers a contraption of dreams. after snapping a photo you can immediately vet it to see if your hair was outta place or if an irritating stranger had stuck his unwanted face in the background, in fact to save yourself the hassle, you take 3-4 shots per pose, "just in case" you say...

its a far cry from the days where you actually brought your film to Kodak or Konica for developing and really have no idea how your pictures will turn out, there was no second chance, no recapturing the moment, you either look good or bad, not better than in the other 3 similar pictures.

i guess however, we are the generation that will remember those photo developing days, where "save film" was more often retorted then "wah my memory card full already"...where you took a picture and the only idea of how it might turn up was the scene etched in your mind. where you really look forward to receiving your photos from Kodak, flipping through them at the entrance of the shop...where you painstakingly slot each photo into the sleeves of the photo album that comes with the photos...now all we do is click and click somemore

some of my best memories lie in the photo albums on my bookshelf, secondary school days, holidays, new years with the family, some of them are yellowish and somewhat faded, some slightly tattered or with dog-ears... hardly any are in pristine condition, i pore through them every now and then, each time reducing them to a more contemptible state...

but each time, i smile brighter, my memories jolted... but most importantly i know that should my computer crash...these tiny pieces of history would still be by my side

changjian @ 2007-11-15T17:04:00

2007-11-15T09:24:17Z

Happy 20th Birthday Daren Tan Jun Hao aka APPLES

thanks for :

-sharing eye candies (no matter where we are, reading room, cafe, clubs)

-stayovers at each other places with me serenading snoopy and the talking till one of us fall asleep (ok i know i am usually the one, and u cant really tell)

-the training sessions we went through, the tough times where we endured louis wrath to the happier times where we played shark (oh and of course your unforgettable shots through the side nettings...amazing stuff)

-our uncountable clubbing escapades together where we seemingly always take turns to look after each other and... all the various clubs we been to... from your parties at chinablack (shiok) to DXO (insane) to the parties at MOMO (shiok for you i THINK...but not too great for the wall) till our present day mambo escapades ( btw it wasnt me at O'bar that night, certain it was an impostor)

-always laughing at seemingly nothing and coming up with the most nonsensical of jokes all the time...though there are times i wish i had duct tape with me, like when you and pewee kept repeating each other sentences throughout my entire chicken cutlet meal

-the phone calls we have ever so often that stretches sometimes for hours and extend to nearly every imaginable topic under the sun...now that we are out of army and no longer have guard duty time to kill, i do however hope that this tradition continues

-the meals that we always have... from blooie's to chomps, prata house to bah chor mee... the locations might always be changing but one thing is for sure, the laughter's always constant

-for always ganging up on poor bong or yourong or marc or leon, it doesnt really matter who but the incessant jacking are always are joy to carry out

-and of course for being such a big target yourself, with your escapades (the WALL, yeap i know i am repeating it) from time to time and enduring the handsome diyang's apple (and peanuts)jokes

last but not least for always being there for me, and you know i will be there for you (leaky puke plastic bags and all)... have a smashing time in bangkok bro, happy birthday

changjian @ 2007-11-02T17:26:00

2007-11-02T09:52:40Z

its over... a done deal... sealed witht the essence of two years of my youth... i had it pretty easy though with my lengthy paid medical leave... the memories however stay very fresh

as i slow marched through the parade square... i recall the first day where i strut through the gates of tekong ferry terminal, a proud perhaps somewhat arrogant young man, fresh from his junior college days..but as the weeks wore on... the air of invincibility all but vanish.. leaving a bald unassuming recruit that has been brainwashed to believe he is indeed the lowest life form in existence, that sergeants and officers were living gods. you live only to book out and relish every second of it, to book in however was worse then somewhat whacking you on the back of the head with the thick end of the stick.

you pass out of recruit-hood 9 weeks later... you lose so much weight that your girlfriends contemplate to sign on. the bonds with ur brothers in arms have become so very tight.. sadness seeps in as you realise your time together has drawn to a close.

promises by high ranking officers to pull you into their respective formations so you could play waterpolo for them came to naught... tomfoolery made you pass on the chance of command school, so now you pay the price of being a man... worse still, a rifleman.

its the same old shit again... greenery is now your concrete, fresh rations your Morton's meal... you plough through the earth to dig a hole big enough to fit you with a tool 3/4 the size of an A4 paper. from your hole, you stare out at endless stretches of trees. you no longer bother swatting away the creepy crawlies around you, they become your only source of entertainment, your live National Geographic.

when the sky rumbles, your heart sinks. if you thought rain was sucha spoiler when your indoors snug and warm, think again. the water drips down your helmet, for a while it seems so familiar... where have i seen this before you wonder... it dawns on you... its exactly the same scene when your sitting indoors watching the rain drip down the awnings and roof shillings except this time its only centimetres away from your eyes.

but before long its over, your presented your beret and you embark on urban warfare. life seems to pick up. or has it? deployment at the airport or jurong island might seem remotely interesting but the holidays that you burn can really exasperate you. imagine spending new year eve up on a watch tower in jurong island, with only your buddy as company, or christmas eve in a bunker on sembawang wharf.

so i am not surprised i heave a sigh of relief when i realise its all over. but truth be told, the experiences i had, i will hold dear because retrospects always do seem sweet dont they

changjian @ 2007-10-07T11:51:00

2007-10-07T03:54:40Z

its been a while... hot cocoa topped with marshmallows, a good book and the pitter patter of rain drops... ambrosial stuff... yet deep down you long for something else.. but yearning is all you can do

changjian @ 2007-10-01T15:56:00

2007-10-01T08:08:33Z

so after 11 months of being on medical leave, i finally returned back to camp...i brought in 70 bucks of Al-azhar cuisine back for my platoon mates to bury the hatchet... and i must say it worked perfectly... thanks to neck for fetching me all the way back to company line, and my sympathy for your wretched summon...

camp life is really different now, no more regimentation at all, most of the time only half the company is around... the rest are either on off or leave...meals are "optional" with unofficial MEAL ICs collecting 11Bs to scan during meal times.. everyday simply consists of first parade and morning physical training... rest of the day is spent sleeping, at the gym or play soccer at the street court. camp life is finally chalet like

some things havent really changed though... upon returning, some of those awol before i left are still awol.... men still taunt officers and specs... those outcasted ones are still marginalized...our favourite technician Neck is still fat... oh MAJU... how i miss thee

(p.s. i am clearing leave the next 3 weeks... have my ord parade... do my clearance and those 3 sacred letters would be mine to shout)

changjian @ 2007-09-25T05:29:00

2007-09-24T21:30:23Z

thank you.

changjian @ 2007-09-23T13:41:00

2007-09-23T05:42:58Z

the day was 20th march 2006 when i fished out a letter from the post

on it were the words

1. You are posted to 6 SIR.
2. Your vocation is RIFLEMAN.
3. Your are to report to: Maju Camp, BLK 26, RM #03-03.

i was officially a hokkien peng

changjian @ 2007-09-18T16:51:00

2007-09-18T09:10:17Z

i woke up early today, surprisingly, so i thought i did go for a swim before meeting jialing in town for lunch. i proceeded to the pool after slipping on my trunks and slinging on my towel.

on the way, i secretly hoped that i would have the whole pool to myself which was often the case as i was the only wastrel in the condominium, whereby others usually had to work or go to school. As i drew closer to the pool, i saw clothes being strewn on one of the deck chairs which implied i had company, i also vaguely spied a shape at the deep end of the pool.

however there was simply something queer about this person who i was about to share water with... he was motionless. from my experience in waterpolo, you are only motionless when you are fricken tall and can reach the bottom of the pool or when u float on your back. the guy however was floating face first in the water.

the guy looked old, with a head of whites. my heart raced, what in blooming hell was a old man floating face first in the pool for. i observed for a nearly half a minute, still he didnt move. now either this guy had massive lungs or he sure as hell was unconscious.. i splashed water at him at the same time shouting out to him.

no response.

i heard sirens in the background. it wasnt long before a rather flustered looking security guard ushered a couple of paramedics towards the pool. that was when it hit me, the guy's dead man. so i am guessing this poor old man had a heart attack or some serious medical condition which led to him drowning. the paramedics fished him out of the pool and performed CPR. futile attempts but standard procedures.

judging at how bloated his stomach was, i guessed as much that he has left for a better place. may he find peace. i guess all the lifesaving courses that i attended never quite prepared me for this, saving a kicking, screaming fellow coursemate or a motionless dummy is one thing but to really drag a corpse out of the water was a different thing altogether.

so much for waking up early

changjian @ 2007-09-18T01:02:00

2007-09-17T17:05:25Z

the packed suitcases, the hugs, the farewells, the impromptu jokes, the uneasy laughter, the "be brave" comments, the promises to keep in touch but only as you drive home, alone in your car, does the full impact really hits you

changjian @ 2007-09-15T01:03:00

2007-09-14T17:19:37Z

bittersweet.

imagine being at the airport to receive one friend and an hour later bid farewell to another

hey girl, never have someone who left such a bad first impression turn it around so fast like you did, i am gonna miss you..take care of yourself in London yeah Kimmy? You will be back before you know it, time flies remember? Till den, the memories shall have to suffice for now :)

on a happier note, Singapore welcomes back her biggest hearthrob JOSEPH RONOW TAN, tears of joy were seen streaming down the westside boys cheeks as they cheered boisterously upon spotting Joseph at the airport... massive banners bearing the words "WE WALK AGAIN" and "GOT LEGS?" were waved enthusiastically as their hero returns from the land down under. One extremely prominent figure, dressed in agrey shirt and black shorts (yawn) even did a little jiggy (or jiggling, you be the judge) much to the amusement of all present

changjian @ 2007-09-12T13:09:00

2007-09-12T05:26:52Z

in the light of the temerarious deed by CPL Dave Teo, i do hope you guys out there realise now how tough it is to be a Rifleman (aka Hokkien Peng)... we are simply mindless creatures that are at the whim and mercy of often unreasonable officers and specialists... lower lifeforms then us only include recruits and OCTs, but at least they get the chance to move on to command school or finish their course and become officers. We on the other hand are condenmed to the nether doldrums of the singapore armed forces for our entire NS, never to use a shred of our intellect, bred only to obey and obliterate,our brawn harvested for inhumane reasons. So we cant blame Dave for his dastardly deed.. after all the song we were taught as recruits, Purple Light, contained the following instructions:

booking out, see my girlfriend
saw her with another man
kill the man, rape my girlfriend
with my rifle and my buddy and me

(my platoon mates)

so like any good rifleman, Dave just did what he was told

changjian @ 2007-09-08T18:10:00

2007-09-08T10:12:10Z

ok so maybe this is 3 years late...but i guess we finally did the right thing and for once i feel relief not sadness